Last Friday a family friend of ours passed away. God took him away at a very young age of 32years. He left behind a wife, 2 young daughters (both below 4yrs of age), grieving parents, sister, shocked relatives & friends and loads of memories. Memories that bring a smile to my face along with a tear to my eyes. I had practically grown up with him and his sister and as such have a reservoir of 29 years of memories. Memories of the summer vacations when I would wait for his mother, his sister and him to come to Bombay from Delhi. Memories of us having fun till late in the night. Memories of the card and board games we played…why he was the one who taught us to play rummy and mendicote (card games) with a blind joker. Memories of us calling him Tinnu Anand (a Bollywood character actor) because of his crooked teeth, of his asthma pump (from which he would inhale regularly). Memories of looking up to him as a style icon – the way he dressed, walked, talked. His Delhi accent. Memories of opening my eyes first thing in the morning and seeking out bhaiyya and didi, of one pepsicola shared between the 3 of us, of the trips to Fashion Street, of the chaat that we devoured at Manasarovar (a fast food joint), of his love for perfumes and watches. When I first visited Delhi, I remember riding pillion with him on the scooter to throw garbage. I agreed to hold the garbage in my hand just so I could ride with him. Memories of him keeping the dogs (Julie & Johnny) away from me, of him calling me by my pet name (which he did till date). 

Then somewhere they got busy with their engineering and dental studies and their trips to Bombay reduced (almost came to a halt). Gone were those days of merry making and laughter. But the memories still lingered. Last April I had gone for my friend’s wedding to Meerut. On my way back I stopped at his house. For the first time I met his wife and daughters and I never felt the time lapse between us. He took me to his sister’s home where I met her husband and son. Again instant connection. Bhaiyya and Jiju dropped me to the airport where I almost missed my flight. His daughters got so attached to me in just 2 days that the elder one refused to see me off hoping that I would stay. After that he kept enquiring about my next trip to Delhi and I would tell him that if I do I will stay at my friend’s home. “Why? Will our house eat you up?” he would ask. To which I would say “no bhaiyya but since I will be visiting Delhi after her marriage for the first time she’ll want me to stay with her. I promise to drop in on you guys”. “Nothing doing”, he would say “whenever you come to Delhi you’ll stay with us”. And the banter continued. If only I knew it were to end before my friend’s first anniversary. I would have gone down again if only to meet them. 

They say, “Memories behave in a strange way. They leave you alone when you are in a crowd and crowd around you when you are alone”. It couldn’t be more true. All of Friday night till today I have got nothing but memories visiting me. I don’t want them. Let them go. If they can’t bring my bhaiyya back they have no right to pay me a visit. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I hate these voices in my head. Someone tell them to stop speaking. 

Why did this happen to him of all the people? What should one answer when his daughters ask, “where’s papa?” Questions that will remain unanswered. But I am optimistic. Someday when I die and go to heaven (hopefully) I will seek out God and ask him why he did what he did…hold him accountable for the void he created in our lives by Bhaiyya’s sudden exit.

I remember a poem by Javed Akhtar from his Tarkash collection:

“jaate jaate wo mujhe achchhi nishaani de gaya
umr bhar dohraoonga aisi kahaani de gaya
uss se main kuch paa sakoon aisi kahan ummeed thi
gham bhi shaayad woh baraaye meharbaani de gaya
sab hawaaen le gaya mere samander ki koi
aur mujhko ek kashti baadbaani de gaya
khair main pyaasa raha, par usne itna to kiya
mere palkon ki kataron ko woh paani de gaya”

Good bye bhaiyya. May your soul rest in eternal peace. We will miss you.